Mens' Secret Language

  • "I'M GOING FISHING"
    Translation: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

  • "IT'S A GUY THING"
    Translation: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

  • "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
    Translation: Why isn't it already on the table?

  • "UH HUH", "SURE", or, "YES, DEAR"
    Translation: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

  • "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
    Translation: I have No idea how it works.

  • "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS ON MY MIND"
    Translation: I was wondering if that blonde over there is wearing a bra.

  • "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD"
    Translation: I can't hear my football game over the vacuum cleaner.

  • "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR"
    Translation: Are you still Talking?

  • "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS"
    Translation: I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday. Again.

  • "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES"
    Translation: The girl selling them was a real babe.

  • "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL"
    Translation: I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.

  • "HEY. I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING"
    Translation: And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.

  • "I CAN'T FIND IT"
    Translation: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.

  • "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Translation: What did you catch me at?

  • "I HEARD YOU"
    Translation: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't have to spend the next three days yelling at me.

  • "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
    Translation: I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be much worse.

  • "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
    Translation: Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit; I'm starving.

  • "I'M NOT LOST, I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE"
    Translation: No one will ever see us alive again!

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