You Can Consider Yourself a Redneck if...

...you take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
...you can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
...your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
...you know what's a Hindu --- it lays eggs.
...you burn your yard rather than mow it.
...you think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
...you have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
...you come back from the dump with more than you took.
...the trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.
...you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
...your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
...your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
...you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
...you think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
...you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
...you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
...you took a fishing pole to Sea World.
...you go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
...you know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
...your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
...you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
...you consider your license plate personalized because your uncle made it.
...you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
...your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
...you sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
...your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him take the wheels off.