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Frys Electronics Job Application

We understand that Fry's is hiring. In an attempt to breed goodwill toward our corporate account, we have taken the time to redo their employment application to help improve the quality of their applicants.

Please apply early and often!

Name:
Address:
City:
Phone:     +011
Education:
IQ:
Position:

 

Cashiering positions
English is your
Second
Third
Fourth
language
You are at a register and the customer's total is $6.31. The customer hands you a $10.00 bill. You should
Have the customer wait while you call the Federal Reserve to make sure the bill is good
Shout, "Check approval please!"
Mumble "Customer service..." and stare vacantly into space while waiting for your supervisor
All of the above
A customer picks up a can of soda but decides he doesn't want it while at the register. You
Call Sunnyvale to doublecheck his resale number
Call Pepsi to check the expiration date on the soda
Refuse to return it because he doesn't have a receipt
All of the above
Computer or software sales
A customer approaches you on the floor and asks how much memory you need to run Windows 95. You
Pretend you don't hear them and walk briskly into the next aisle
Say, "Can't you see I'm helping another customer?!", and run off to the backroom to smoke a cigarette
Continue to stare blankly into space
Blurt out the first number that comes into your head
You pick up the ringing phone, expecting to hear your girlfriend and/or mother. A customer(!) asks if you have Photoshop 3.05 for Windows in stock. You
Blurt "Certainly!" in a loud voice, while checking your teeth in the reflection from your suitcoat and trying to remember if you hid the last copy well enough
Snarl "Not my department!" into the receiver and slam down the phone
Play a game with the other clerks- see who can get a caller to hold the longest by offering to "Check the Fremont store."
Explain how you're really a software developer, and that your Visual Basic version 'Fotoshop' is really far superior and only slightly more expensive
Audio/Visual sales
A kindly older gentleman asks to purchase the 13" TV that was advertised in the morning paper for $99, a gift for his granddaughter's college dorm room. You
Tell him that, darn it, you've just sold the last one. However, the top-quality 'SUNY'-brand TV right next to it is only $225! When he points out the stack of sale TVs next to the display, tell him they're empty boxes. If he picks one up to see, run
Scoff at his selection. Explain that all the kids nowadays would be humiliated by anything less than a 60" Mitsubishi with Stereo Surround- only $3200!
Tell him Sunnyvale has some, and they'll hold one. Then call Sunnyvale and tell them to send him to Campbell. Repeat.
Invite him out to your car, where there's an 'Open Box Buy'
You're working the AV room today. Customers come in to see the Home Theater equipment. You
Diddle nonchalantly with the equipment, and tell people you have the same $1400 Carver amp at home. Only your Mom knows you buy only Realistic from Radio Shack
Insist repeatedly that the Technics speakers are really the same as the Infinity Crescendos, just without the expensive nameplate
Fantasize idly of your dream job at Circuit City. Someday, someday
Put Top Gun into the VCR and turn the volume up so loud that you're instantly sterile
Employment Experience:
Have you been fired by Radio Shack or any subsidiary of the Tandy Corporation in the last three years?
Yes No
Have you been involved in retailing in the USSR, North Korea, Thailand, or any of the former Soviet satellites?
Yes No
Are you 'computer literate'*?
Yes No
Can you:
Program your VCR?
Yes No
Use an ATM?
Yes No
Use a remote channel changer?
Yes No
Flush a toilet without assistance?
Yes No
*NOTE: If answer to any of the above is yes, please answer YES.
Expected salary:
$4.85/hr $5.00/hr $5.15/hr $6.00/hr*
*Your Masters is in
Previous Employment:
For how long?

 

Thanks for applying to Fry's Electronics. We're certain you'll be robbing us blind in no time!

Email Scott (if you liked it) and Jim (if you want to sue).

Copyright © 1998 Crude Bros., Inc. braith@best.com

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